JERSEY & NEEDLES NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS

1. WE PROMISE TO FLOSS TWICE A YEAR, NEEDED OR NOT.

2. WE PROMISE TO PAY OUR BILLS THIS YEAR WITH CASH INSTEAD OF CREDIT.

3. WE PROMISE, NOT TO PROMISE TO START ANOTHER FAD DIET.

4. WE PROMISE TO QUIT EXERCISING AS IT MAKES US TOO TIRED.

5. WE PROMISE TO EAT MORE CHOCOLATE AS IT’S OUR FAVORITE FOOD GROUP.

6. WE PROMISE TO READ LESS IT TAKES UP OUR SPARE TIME.

7. WE PROMISE TO DRINK MORE SODA AND LESS MILK THE FLAVOR IS BETTER.

8. WE PROMISE TO BECOME PROFESSIONAL PROCRASTINATORS, AS WE NEED MORE TIME.

9. WE PROMISE TO DRIVE WITH OUR EYES OPEN.

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST,
10. WE PROMISE TO WEAR CLEAN UNDERWEAR, “JUST IN CASE”.

PLEASE SHARE YOUR NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS WITH US.

Continue reading “JERSEY & NEEDLES NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS”

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Our Guide to Reducing Holiday Stress

STRESS
Did you know….

-Laughter can reduce stress hormones
-Laughter boosts your immune system
-Laughter lowers your blood pressure

-Laughter can exercise certain muscles (diaphragm, abdominal, facial, neck, back, and leg.
Looking for a quick way to “work out”? Laugh! Did you know that laughing 100 times is equivalent to 15 minutes on an exercise bike or 10 minutes on a rowing machine? Amazing isn’t it?

Well Jersey -n-Needles have come up with some amusing ways to reduce your stress during the holidays or any other time during the year. (Some you may not want to try at home):

Jam 39 tiny marshmallows up your nose and try to sneeze them out.
When someone says, “have a nice day”, tell them you have other plans.
Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on.
Pay your electric bill in pennies.
Forget the diet center and send yourself a candy gram.
Bill your doctor for Continue reading “Our Guide to Reducing Holiday Stress”

Target Backing Off Ban, May Use Christmas in Ads Later This Year

Remember our article on “Celebrate the Birth of Christ with a Boycott“, by Sara, As you can see we can make a difference. Christmas is important to many of us and we want the opportunity to enjoy and leave this legacy to all other generations.

Target Backing Off Ban, May Use Christmas In Ads Later This Year

Dear

Your efforts are having a powerful effect! Our boycott of Target is working! According to the New York Times, a spokeswoman for Target said it did not intend to ban Christmas and might use Christmas in advertisements later this year! In addition, Sears is adding “Merry Christmas” signs in their stores.

And here is new evidence of anti-Christian bias: A survey done by AFA shows that 91% of TV ads ban Christmas from their advertising. We want you to help us stop this banning of Christmas. The survey included one n Continue reading “Target Backing Off Ban, May Use Christmas in Ads Later This Year”

Jersey – N- Needles writes again

We can save your life, calculate life saving drugs in seconds, but are having a difficult time answering the following medical questions. Can any one help us????

1. Can a person with no ears still wear glasses?
2. Do bald people get dandruff?
3. How young can you die of old age?
4. Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
5. If a schizophrenic threatens suicide, is it a hostage situation?
6. Do coffins have life time guarantees?
7. Why do doctors leave the room when you get undresses? Aren’t they going to see you naked anyway?
8. Why don’t the hairs on your arms get split ends?
9. If you had your legs amputated, should the discharge instructions include: having you go to the dmv to have your height and weight changed?
10. (Medications) if there is no difference, why is there more then one name and the prices are different? Ie. Tylenol–acetaminophen Continue reading “Jersey – N- Needles writes again”

TOP TEN REASONS WE BECAME NURSES

” FUN-damen-tals of Witticism for Health or so we think”
We are nurse one and nurse two. We are ICU team nurses and a comedy team better known as Jersey and Needles. Check out our Laugh Therapy and see Our Top Ten Reasons we became nurses.

1. PAYS BETTER THEN FAST FOOD
2. FASHIONABLE SHOES, FIGURE COMPLIMENTING UNIFORMS
3. 12 HOURS WITH NO FOOD OR BATHROOM BREAKS
4. FINDING OUT BODY FLUIDS COME IN ALL SMELLS, SIZE AND COLORS
5. EXPOSURE TO RARE, EXCITING NEW DISEASES
6. INTERESTING AROMAS
7.COURTEOUS AND INFALLIBLE DOCTORS WHO ALWAYS LEAVE CLEAR ORDERS IN
PERFECTLY LEGIBLE HANDWRITING
8. DO ENOUGH CHARTING TO NAVIGATE AROUND THE WORLD TWICE
9. CELEBRATE ALL THE HOLIDAYS WITH YOUR FRIENDS AT WORK
10. FINALLY…WE HAD THE ESTEEMED PRIVILEGE OF WEARING THE FOLLOWING,
HATS: DOCTOR, THERAPIST, NURSE AIDE, COUNSELOR, Continue reading “TOP TEN REASONS WE BECAME NURSES”