I, Rena Oynes, a Christian, recently went through a divorce after 35 years of marriage. The pain was beyond what one might imagine. Many people had or have no compassion or understanding. Hopefully, if another is going through this suffering my walk by sharing my raw feelings might help to lighten your load.
Were you there when I came bounding out of teaching a wonderful Sunday School Class of third graders to be told by a gentleman that my husband was all over the paper and it wasn’t good?Were you there when I had to consult a counselor because the language I heard I could not understand why it was being used on me and my friends?Were you there when a call that tickled him made me cringe from it vulgarness?Were you there when I called a counseling group and they told me to plan a secure route to escape my home and to keep at all times clothing for two to three weeks in my trunk?Were you there when I packed my lap top every time with me as I was afraid some vulgar site might be put on my laptop?Were you there when I was asked to take in six weeks of AAA and Alanon to have an understanding of what was happening to me and him?Were you there when I got so mad about going that I speeded through a residential area early and got pulled over by a police officer for speeding? When I told him I was late for AAA his ears certainly perked up but he somehow believed me and I did not have to toe the line.Were you with me lonely night after lonely night replaying my part in it. Was I the Christian who over looked, didn’t confront sin when I saw it first happen. Had I shaded it or covered it to make it not seem like sin. Now look at me. I was WRONG. I’m a total mess – shaking – crying! Yes my fault!Were you there when I later discovered the man I had married was in something dark and deep that effected me?Were you there when to my surprise my children knew it all along?Were you there when my children let me stand alone without a call of comfort or a prayer?Were you there when I got the final e-mail saying you are a beautiful Christian lady but I want nothing to do with you?Did you weep with me? Or leave me standing alone? God was beside me all along and my church wept with me. Perhaps you have a friend in a similar situation.
Are you weeping with them? Rena
10 thoughts on “Were you there?”
Divorce has a way of saying to us at times your life is only a vapor. James 4:14 (NKJV) “… you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away.” James goes on to say, vs 13 Is anyone among you suffering, let us pray.” It is encouraging in Rena’s life story to know the church among other tools were there for her.
The questions posed seem to be are we there as a help or are we there as a judge when others suffer? All to often my actions have been a critical bag of ignorance. I have found I had to be judged by the same scales I used to judge others. I am so happy to hear and read of the many resources available today to help and heal those that suffer so deeply from divorce. Those that lose not only a companion but children, finances, friends and yes even church at times.
Rena, so happy to know you are traveling on ‘healers path.’ Yes, amen, let us pray!
Yes I pray that the people who are hurting like me will have wonderful resources to tap into to bring healing and restoration. May they have praying, caring friends to walk along side of them. May they be in a caring/praying church that will reach out so they may in time have JOY, unspeakable joy and feel they are a meaningful part of the body of Christ
whom Christ LOVES.
Rena, I also offer a prayer with yours. May the story you share touch many that deeply hurt, bringing encouragement and hope to them as you come fully through this dark journey with that joy and purpose that you speak of above.
Speaking for myself, it is easy to ‘talk’ about God’s comfort and care to others in their times of testing and despair, but quite another thing to actually live through it and experience it first- hand like you have done. I would think only those that do are truly qualified and privileged to take the verse below as their own, thus becoming true comforters to others.
2 Cor 1:3-4 “Praise the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! He is the Father who is compassionate and the God who gives comfort. He comforts us whenever we suffer. That is why whenever other people suffer, we are able to comfort them by using the same comfort we have received from God.”
Thank you Debi, I will hold on to that scripture. God certainly has comforted me!
“God was beside me all along “, so true Rena. I was given a little devotional book by Sheri Rose Shepherd, “His Princess Love letters from Your King”. I’d like to share some from it, for this particular blog.
“Do not be afraid for I have ransomed you, I have called you by name, you are mine. When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown! (Isaiah 43:1-2)”
“My Princess… I WILL HEAL YOUR HEART
Don’t get discouraged, My beloved; pain is a part of life. But I promise you that I will turn every tear you’ve cried into joy, and I will use your deep pain for a divine purpose. Don’t try to hide your hurts from Me. I know everything about you. You are Mine, My beloved! I’m the only one who can handle your heart and restore you to health and wholeness again. I, too, have felt great pain, rejection, and anger. But we can go through every trial together. Hand in hand I will lead you back to My place of peace and joy after the storm. The sun will shine on you again, and your heart will be healed. I promise you, My Princess, that when you go through deep waters of great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression you will not be burned.
Your King and your Healer”
Thanks Tammy for sharing. This is beautiful.
Thanks so much Tammy! This is so beautiful! Perhaps I can give out to another along the way so I’ll print off and have ready! Again thanks!
Rena, your story reminds me of the Spiritual…”Were You There When They Crucified My Lord?” It amazes me that through it all from Katrina, to losing Teddy, to the flight into Virginia, to and thru the pre and post divorce our Lord Jesus has proved to you and to those of us who know you & love you that He is the True Husband and Bridegroom. As you walked each step of obedience, one step forward, two back, three forward, gaining momentum as you walked out and continue to walk out your ‘cross’ journey, Jesus, lovely Jesus has been with you. There is no denying His loving hand on your life. It is a triumph and an inspiration.
When my husband told me he wanted a divorce it was so devastating that I could not listen to a song, or see a movie, or go to a concert for over a year….it was so heart breaking. But I was not yet a Christian. And amazingly enough within three years after the final divorce decree, I found the Lord, in glorious salvation. He healed all the heartache for me and for the families involved. To Him is the Glory!!
As you walk through the Elysian Fields of Christ’s love and healing, greater and greater works will you do because you have fought the good fight of faith and there is prepared for you a crown of glory that you will be able to cast before your Bridegroom Jesus Christ. May Jesus say to you on that exquisite day….” Rena! Well done thou good & faithful servant. Enter into the joy prepared for you by MY Father!”
I give King Jesus all the praise and thank Him for always being there for me. MG I thought of that song and thought many left Jesus on that day but He never leaves us. One day I was in church recently and I felt that the Lord was bowed to the floor alongside of me and then a overwhelming love hovered – not the love of the world but a deep love. Thank you Jesus for your LOVE. Thank you dailylilies for all your prayers and continued prayers and encouragement along this journey. Thinking about songs, it makes me think of the Happy Goodmans http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xS6w2DOc310 singing I Wouldn’t Take Nothing for My Journey Now. I think this song is becoming my song as I continue to journey onward.
Thanks for the link, Rena. Loved it! David Teems, one of my favorite authors whom Gwen Shaw had recommended at one or her conferences a few years ago puts your story and your ‘new testimony’, “I Wouldn’t Take Nothing for My Journey Now”, into this question [and I paraphrase, a little]; In Jesus, by Jesus, through Jesus and with Jesus, …”What could Heaven give me that is not already mine?”
Your journey has taken some stupendous strides, Rena. And you’re right. You DON’T need NOTHIN’ but Jesus…He sure is proving that to you and to us, all! God speed!!