Jersey – N- Needles writes again

We can save your life, calculate life saving drugs in seconds, but are having a difficult time answering the following medical questions. Can any one help us????

1. Can a person with no ears still wear glasses?
2. Do bald people get dandruff?
3. How young can you die of old age?
4. Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
5. If a schizophrenic threatens suicide, is it a hostage situation?
6. Do coffins have life time guarantees?
7. Why do doctors leave the room when you get undresses? Aren’t they going to see you naked anyway?
8. Why don’t the hairs on your arms get split ends?
9. If you had your legs amputated, should the discharge instructions include: having you go to the dmv to have your height and weight changed?
10. (Medications) if there is no difference, why is there more then one name and the prices are different? Ie. Tylenol–acetaminophen.
11. Why does caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?
12. Why do they call it your “bottom”, when it is really the middle of your body?
13. If someone can’t see they are blind, if someone can’t hear they are deaf, what do you call them if they can’t smell?
14. If an ambulance is on it’s way to save someone and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them?
15. If your feet smell and your nose runs, are you built upside down?
16. Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctor’s call what they do “practice”?

Be sure to post your answers for all to see. Happy thanksgiving from your friends,
jersey-n-needles

23 thoughts on “Jersey – N- Needles writes again

    1. Ok, Debi, no wonder you couldn’t get an answer from him. He’s just a picture on a computer that can’t talk. Next time, leave a message on his voice mail, so he has to call you back.
      Jersey-n-Needles

      1. Ok,Needles thanks for the help. Guess that’s why you are the nurse caregiver of people and I’m the plant caretaker!

  1. 1. CAN A PERSON WITH NO EARS STILL WEAR GLASSES?
    Double velcro might work fine, just fine. But don’t buy from Target during Christmas because you may not hear “Merry Christmas.”
    2. DO BALD PEOPLE GET DANDRUFF?
    Sure, it just refuses to stick
    3. HOW YOUNG CAN YOU DIE OF OLD AGE?
    The day you remember
    4. WHY DO THEY STERILIZE NEEDLES FOR LETHAL INJECTIONS?
    For insurance purposes
    5. IF A SCHIZOPHRENIC THREATENS SUICIDE, IS IT A HOSTAGE SITUATION?
    double jeopardy
    6. DO COFFINS HAVE LIFE TIME GUARANTEES?
    Depends on the price
    7. WHY DO DOCTORS LEAVE THE ROOM WHEN YOU GET UNDRESSES? AREN’T
    THEY GOING TO SEE YOU NAKED ANYWAY?
    More than naked, they are out making more money on the next patient on your time
    8. WHY DON’T THE HAIRS ON YOUR ARMS GET SPLIT ENDS?
    You forgot to brush with a cheap brush
    9. IF YOU HAD YOUR LEGS AMPUTATED, SHOULD THE DISCHARGE
    INSTRUCTIONS INCLUDE: HAVING YOU GO TO THE DMV TO HAVE YOUR HEIGHT
    AND WEIGHT CHANGED?
    Then we would not be able to wear color contact lenses w/o a eye change
    10. (MEDICATIONS) IF THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE, WHY IS THERE MORE THEN
    ONE NAME AND THE PRICES ARE DIFFERENT? IE. TYLENOL–ACETAMINOPHEN.
    Whom has the money has the power to cure the head
    11. WHY DOES CAREGIVER AND CARETAKER MEAN THE SAME THING?
    A caregiver gives w/or w/o pay and a taker always gets paid
    12. WHY DO THEY CALL IT YOUR “BOTTOM”, WHEN IT IS REALLY THE
    MIDDLE OF YOUR BODY?
    That depends on your waistline
    13. IF SOMEONE CAN’T SEE THEY ARE BLIND, IF SOMEONE CAN’T HEAR
    THEY ARE DEAF, WHAT DO YOU CALL THEM IF THEY CAN’T SMELL?
    stuff nose
    14. IF AN AMBULANCE IS ON IT’S WAY TO SAVE SOMEONE AND IT RUNS
    SOMEONE OVER, DOES IT STOP TO HELP THEM?
    No, it calls 911
    15. IF YOUR FEET SMELL AND YOUR NOSE RUNS, ARE YOU BUILT UPSIDE DOWN?
    I thought it was when your mouth runs things are upside down
    16. ISN’T IT A BIT UNNERVING THAT DOCTOR’S CALL WHAT THEY DO
    “PRACTICE”?
    It is only because it is never a game!!!!

    Thanks for the laughs and especially on a Monday rainy morning!!!
    Your Friend,Sara

    1. ( tough tests in Va.)
      Now here are a few answers that will set the whole thing straight!!
      #2. Q: Do bald people get dandruff? A: Only their eyebrows.
      #4. Q: Why do they sterilize needles before a lethal injection?
      A: Gee, Needles! I didn’t know you had be be STERILIZED before you give a shot!!!!!Couldn’t you just take a shower before going to work?
      #6. Q: Do coffins have a life-time guarantee? A: Yes! but it’s call a death-time guarantee…good for as long as you’re dead!
      #13. Q: What do you call someone who can’t smell? A: very clean!
      Tha-tha-that’s all folks!!!!!

      1. We feel you must log onto Laugh Therapy more often. Your answers are more than hilarious!!!hehehehe. You will fit in just perfect at the reception desk, answering all those questions people have.
        Jersey-n-Needles

    2. READING YOUR ANSWERS HAS BEEN REFRESHING TO OUR EARS AND NOSES. YOUR BUS TICKETS WILL BE ARRIVING SHORTLY. PACK LIGHTLY, UNIFORMS ARE INCLUDED. YOUR JOB DESCRIPTION CAN BE TAKEN FROM THE TEN REASONS WHY WE BECAME NURSES REFER TO #4 AND #6. DON’T FORGET YOUR PERFUME.
      JERSEY —-N—- NEEDLES

      1. You’re hired is sure better than Trump “You’re Fired” Thanks, how is the pay?
        Sara and Gary

  2. Jersey & Needles …..you are soooo funny…….I was just wondering if JERSEY & NEEDLES keep their patient in STITCHES? Just wondering.
    If so….who removes the stitches or do they just DISSOLVE in laughter????? Just wondering. You two seem to have a nice OPERATION going on there & you both seem kind and loving and being nice nurses you must have a lot of PATIENTS!!!!Just wondering….

    1. WE DON’T KEEP PATIENTS IN STITCHES, WE PREFER STAPLES, THEY DON’T COME OUT AS EASILY. BY THE WAY WHAT ARE PATIENTS???
      JERSEY – N- NEEDLES

  3. 1. Can a person with no ears still wear glasses? Yes, they get the sport type with the band that wraps around the head.
    2. Do bald people get dandruff? Some of them
    3. How young can you die of old age? It depends on how old you feel.
    4. Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections? Safety, there is always a chance the “injector” might prick him/herself
    5. If a schizophrenic threatens suicide, is it a hostage situation?No, it is conspiricy to commit murder.
    6. Do coffins have life time guarantees? Don’t know, No one really follows up
    7. Why do doctors leave the room when you get undressed? Aren’t they going to see you naked anyway? They do that for the modest people, like myself.
    8. Why don’t the hairs on your arms get split ends?They fall out too quick.
    9. If you had your legs amputated, should the discharge instructions include: having you go to the dmv to have your height and weight changed?
    No, but I would gladly go if it were me…Anything to knock some pounds off that number.
    10. (Medications) if there is no difference, why is there more then one name and the prices are different? Ie. Tylenol–acetaminophen.
    Same reason COSTCO paper towels work the same as bounty/. Many of them originate in the same place. The companies want to get there money from all types of people. (They all come from one of like three manufacturers..Trust me, I spent a long time in the grocery biz)
    11. Why does caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?
    I thought a caretaker worked at a place and a caregiver worked with people
    12. Why do they call it your “bottom”, when it is really the middle of your body? Because it’s the part that you put yourself down on.
    13. If someone can’t see they are blind, if someone can’t hear they are deaf, what do you call them if they can’t smell? In some cases, “Lucky”
    14. If an ambulance is on it’s way to save someone and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them? No, dial 911
    15. If your feet smell and your nose runs, are you built upside down? Not sure
    16. Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctor’s call what they do “practice”?
    Just to mess with our minds. The same reason the triple book.

    1. Thanks for the tip on paper towels, I hope its not a joke because I am going to try them.
      Stacie, U R really humorous, well to make up some of our faces I guess you would have to be.

      1. WE WOULD BE HAPPY TO ASSIST YOU. BEWTEEN US WE HAVE 30+ YEARS EXPERIENCE. NEEDLES LOVES TO EAT AND I LOVE TO EAT WITH HER. LET US KNOW IF THERE IS ANY TESTING YOU NEED TO PERFORM WE WOULD BE HAPPY TO HELP. WE START OUR MENU 1 MINUTE AFTER ARRIVING TO WORK.
        NEEDLES-N-JERSEY

  4. 1. Can a person with no ears still wear glasses? No, that is why they make contacts
    2. Do bald people get dandruff? yes, but wind blows it away
    3. How young can you die of old age? too young
    4. Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections? Self-defense
    5. If a schizophrenic threatens suicide, is it a hostage situation? Could be self defense
    6. Do coffins have life time guarantees? No, a 40 year warranty
    7. Why do doctors leave the room when you get undressed? Aren’t they going to see you naked anyway? They have better things to do.
    8. Why don’t the hairs on your arms get split ends? Too short
    9. If you had your legs amputated, should the discharge instructions include: having you go to the dmv to have your height and weight changed? No
    10. (Medications) if there is no difference, why is there more then one name and the prices are different? Ie. Tylenol–acetaminophen. So the same company can sell the same thing for a different price
    11. Why does caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?
    It’s all in the care
    12. Why do they call it your “bottom”, when it is really the middle of your body? Because it is what holds you up when you sit
    13. If someone can’t see they are blind, if someone can’t hear they are deaf, what do you call them if they can’t smell? In some cases, olfactory epithelium deprivation
    14. If an ambulance is on it’s way to save someone and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them? yes, and call 911 to finish their call
    15. If your feet smell and your nose runs, are you built upside down? no, just keep shoes on when visiting friends of hope they have olfactory epithelium deprivation
    16. Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctor’s call what they do “practice”? Dosen’t Practice make perfect?

    1. Gary,
      You missed your calling!! Do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars, just go and sign up for nursing school, AT ONCE!! You are sure to get accepted with these answers!!!!

      1. Ok Jersey and Needles I see where Gary passed the test. Did Sara fail?
        I thought her answers were pretty good.

    2. YOU PASSED YOUR NURSING BOARDS!!!!!!!!! YOUR LICENSE AND UNIFORM IS ON ITS WAY. DON’T BE NERVOUS!!! NEEDLES AND I WILL ORIENTATE YOU TO YOUR NEW PROFESSION.

  5. here are my answers. Where do these nurses work anyway?
    1. Can a person with no ears still wear glasses? if they need them. I know a man that wears glasses with no ears and wears a band to keep them on.
    2. Do bald people get dandruff? I don’t think so
    3. How young can you die of old age? tricky
    4. Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections? Not sure they do
    5. If a schizophrenic threatens suicide, is it a hostage situation? sounds like self life
    6. Do coffins have life time guarantees? if you want one
    7. Why do doctors leave the room when you get undressed? Aren’t they going to see you naked anyway? they don’t want to see your ugly skin any more than they have to
    8. Why don’t the hairs on your arms get split ends? maybe they do, can’t see them even w/ my glasses
    9. If you had your legs amputated, should the discharge instructions include: having you go to the dmv to have your height and weight changed? No, just the government would be interested in this
    10. (Medications) if there is no difference, why is there more then one name and the prices are different? Ie. Tylenol–acetaminophen. confuse the public, buy more, buy less, just keep buying
    11. Why does caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?
    depends on the sense you use it in
    12. Why do they call it your “bottom”, when it is really the middle of your body? bottom of body, remainder is legs
    13. If someone can’t see they are blind, if someone can’t hear they are deaf, what do you call them if they can’t smell? can’t remember the name
    14. If an ambulance is on it’s way to save someone and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them? Better stop but not to help, wait for their ticket. Better call 2 911 calls
    15. If your feet smell and your nose runs, are you built upside down? Only the English language has so many meanings for one word, did you know that?
    16. Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctor’s call what they do “practice”? All the time they practice not one has become perfect. What is the problem?

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