Church Bulletins

Church Bulletins! These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services.

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.” The sermon tonight:”Searching for Jesus.”
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing:”Break Forth Into Joy.”
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What Is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

6 thoughts on “Church Bulletins

  1. Sara I laughed so hard I couldnt breathe these are just too funny…..and to think they were in church bulletins……dj

  2. Great, keep laughing. Proven-laughter is a great healer!!!! I like to have healing in my wings daily as I start and go about my many duties. When laughter/healing is in our wings we end our day with wholeness of mind, body and spirit.

  3. I just heard a medical reporter say that humor and laughter is great for heart health. Like Proverbs says, ” A merry heart doeth good like a medicine!”
    God has a wonderful sense of humor. We see it in all His creation, in the animals, in some vegetation and especially in some HUMANS.

  4. My mother-in-law, Lorraine Oynes and I read these togehter. We laughed until we cried. They are great. If laughter brings healing, we got a healthy dose today. Thanks!

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